Never want to hurt like this again

I never wanted a relationship,to many bad ones behind me.i just needed to focus on me and get my life together.then I met Louie ,he was almost perfect.so we started see each other .during the three years it was good and bad ...but we were connected and we could make it together .but unfortunately for me the grass has always been greener ....I never realized how much until I left two months ago .I thought despite him working to what now seems was to destroy me...first my business it took me eleven months to get going good .I was finally in a better place for the first time since my dad died.louie was getting out of PRISION and had changed and promised to never treat me as he had in the past ...I fell for every word...I shouldn't have.first it was my business that with his help telling me to borrow this and that he got me,dont worry.well I now owe 356.00...my accounts suspended so I'm back to recycling.and resale and flea markets.im exhausted heartbroken ,depressed ...and if that wasn't enough the same man who hadn't left me alone in years just stopped .when I was in that better place he was calling me all the time ,too much.telling me how he missed me implying that I was here in San Jo having affairs the entire time ...I was doing no such thing...we had a big fight ..well let me start from where it started getting bad he was drinking a lot again ,he was back to yelling and telling me how tired he was of living like this yet he had just pretty much destroyed all I had worked so hard to establish .he was starting to act lime he was screwing around again .he did that ALOT in the past .he has a big sexual appitite and I don't think I was ever gonna be enough..then I found out the worst thing you could ever think or hear that he had another women on the side for longer than our three years.i felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest.heartbreak sometimes makes you feel like you could die .anyways so it turns out the bitch has been forcing him the entire time to act this way and filling his head with lies about me when I really loved him and wanted me and him for the rest of my life.she is a hateful women who's seems more then obsessed and used Louie to hurt me by threating him ,what a mess.he was trying to hide what had happened what he had done.so she made me find out hearing this ,and pretending she had won.now it's been three months since I left and what and how things have changed .finally he sees how I am instead of just getting the blame .I hope our love can make I hope it will survive it's not often you meet a man who makes everything seem alright.we are comparable and comfortable and enjoy the same things in life.and if he can rid himself of her influence we would live a beautiful life.

THE WORST FEELING IS TO BE HEARTBROKEN MEANWHILE IM REPLACED IN HOURS OF MY DEPARTURE

HOW WAS I TOO KNOW THAT YOU NEVER WANTED US OR ME .YOU SHOWED ME THAT EVERYDAY WITH EVERY THING YOU DID AND HOW YOU ACTED TWORDS ME THE LONGER I WAS WITH YOU ..HOW CAN ,COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND I THOUGHT I KNEW HIM AND I GUESS I DIDNT BECAUSE THIS BROADSIDED ME INTO EMOINTIONAL PHYSOCSIS...HOW COULD HE HAVE JUST NEEDED ME TO GET HIM WHERE HIS LITTLE SIDE HOOKER COULD REPLACE ME EASY AND LIVE ...WHERE WHILE IN YUBA ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY COULD BE LOST AND HE KNEW THIS IT WAS A PLAN..AND HIS HOOKER WIFE WORKING ON GETTING I. WHERE THEY WERENT IN...TO DESTROY ALL IVE GOT IN LIFE ,MY LIFELINES ...Y WHO KNOWS TO PUT MY KIDS IN A ROLE SURE TO FAIL SINCE ALWAYS EXCLUDED FROM MY WAY OF LIFE ...SOME PARENTS QUIT KNOWING ITS NOT AN OPTION SO THERE KIDS HANDLE THE BURDEN OF YOUR CHOICES ..OTHERS LIVE THERE LIFES THIS WAY AS LONG AS POSSIBLE TO NEVER HAVE THERE CHOICES BURDEN THERE KIDS IT DOSENT MATTER .THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU MAKE IT .DO EVERYTHING YOUR SUPPOSE TO SURVIVE CIRCUMSTANCES DEAMED IT WOULD SEEM FOR JUST YOU TO LIVE BY ,WITH BOYFRIENDS AND OTHERS ADDING TO THAT ROLE FOR THE WORST OUTCOME IN THE FUTURE ,TO BE WITHOUT ALL LOVED ONES AND FRIENDS ,AND THEN REPLACED BY MY BACK

TRYING TO FIND AWAY TO COPE WITH HEARTBREAK AGAIN

UNABLE TO TRUST MY ABILITY TO TRUST WHO I FALL IN LOVE WITH APPARENLY I CAN BE PLAYED, ABUSED, AND ALMOST SET UP FOR CRIMES I NEVER DO ...BUT I LEFT TOO SOON ...TO SMALL OF A TOWN ..TO EASY TO FIND YOUR LOST OTHER HALF AND FAITHFUL SURE IVE GOT 40 REASONS HE CANT BE FAITHFUL ...NEVERMIND

LOVE HAS LEFT ME LOST AND ALONE

TRYING TO DEAL WITH FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE WRONG MAN AGAIN...HE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME AND I WAS A STEPPING STONE THE ONLY WAY TO FIND WHO HAS MY BACK AND LOVE HER INSTEAD OF ME  ...